• nomtondo

Step Aside. Let It Fall

It had wings that stretch from the brim to as far as the eyes can see.

It flapped, surrounding me in blood oath as it folded its wings into itself; ready to fall in assurance that I will catch it.

I stepped towards it.

I looked up at it.

It looked down at me.

I smiled and it did too.

The ceremonial greeting is now completed.

It folded its wings into its side and began to free fall without fear and in total self-confidence that I will catch it; as I always did.

The falling had begun. We were both ready and prepared. I was to catch, and it was to fall – just like before my generation, the generation before me, the one before it, possibly the one after me.

As it free fell, everything around me slowed down. I could suddenly see and hear the residue left from past visits. My eyes sharpened and I saw the air around us transform into butterflies that could not escape – stuck in time, repeating the four stages of its lifecycle infinitely. I saw them scream in whispers to do it.

Do what?

Do iiittt!

It got closer and time began to speed up yet stay very slow. It had not reached me yet and I still had time to do it or do that.

I grinned as I watched it free fall so undoubtedly and in freedom, unbound. It knew deeply that I will catch it. It knew that because I always did without fail.

There was no fear here. Only overfed certainty.

As time slowed and quickened, our eyes met before the catch. A true moment of love, affection, pleasure and comfort. Our love for each other was heightened, and our senses triggered. The vibration of the emotional and psychological intimacy was one we both knew. One we desired secretly to others and openly to each other.

Closer now.

Hands extended

…what is that?

A thought in the form of a cream hand-woven linen floated between us. It was sheer, as light as a feather and strappingly intertwined. I could see the little knots serving as its imperfection while radiating in loveliness and attraction.

My gaze shifted from it to the linen. I smiled harder; feeling a sense of relief and much deeper vibration and connection than I ever felt. A sensation I immediately recognized. This is not new; we have met before.

I have once been intimate with this feeling.

We have crossed the line and enjoyed each other’s company once before.

Once? Twice? Certainly, enough times for me to recognize this sensation.

My memories began to flood in like the oceans hitting against the rocks – splashing uncontrollable everywhere; unable to move past the rock which stands in its way, yet unable to stop itself from hitting it over and over again.

There was a message to deliver. I could tell by how it danced around in the air, swerving the butterflies stuck in time yet in rhythm with them.

Swept by the performance, my hands began to swirl with the linen. I felt that was the only way I could hold my posture and receive the secret message. Not alarming it as it free fell as I entertained captured gaze.

And so we danced.

As we danced to the rhythm of the butterflies stuck in time, the thought in the form of a cream hand-woven linen said…

Whenever you are hurt, know that’s when you have the greatest power: to destroy, to restore, or both. How you use this power will determine the control you have over your power and the character of your nobility.


Whenever you are wronged for a reason justifiable by your actions or that of another, know you have the right to defend. How, how much, the nature and timeliness of your defense brings you a gift. This gift can be a change of name, a renewal of status, a pardon of your past or an elevation in your life.


Whenever you are loved properly, know that your senses are inevitably wired to receive and give the same, or more in the amount and way you receive that love. And when you are loved inappropriately, know that everyone around you is sent a bill for a service you did not give, nor did they seek out yet are expected to pay. In this case, there is an abstract fairness only you see and defend.


Whenever you are seen and allow yourself to be seen, know that it gets sunnier and you may need to put on your shades. You are not used to it, but it does not mean you don’t deserve or are not worthy of it. Stand in light. Let its radiance elucidate all your flaws and perfections.


Whenever you choose to forgive, know that it can cause you to bleed from the inside. Let it bleed. Don’t be quick to clean it up either. Look at the blood around you. Touch it and acknowledge it. Let it sit with you till it’s all poured out. A vessel can’t be of use to anyone if not emptied out and cleaned.


The last thought the cream hand-woven linen whispered was…


You don’t have to catch it. Let it fall so it can break. Sometimes they are meant to break and stay broken. Broken things don’t always need mending. Step aside, let it fall.

smile,

nomtondo

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