• nomtondo

Flaws or Truth?

Updated: Nov 5, 2019

A dear friend asked me what I thought was an unusual question, coming from her. Her question did catch me off guard as I mapped her out as a fierce strong Middle Eastern woman who has everything most women in her age bracket would want. She is married, with children, working on her phD and strong in her Muslim faith. She is a force to be reckoned with when it came to women's right, gender equality, especially women of colour.


So, to read her text asking me for a favour was firstly strange, as I did not know what my unemployed, single and limited scope of knowledge compared to hers could possible do for her. Now, this is not me putting myself down, I am merely stating facts that are not to be shied away from, but to be worn with pride and an exhale of future changes and new beginnings. Picture me smiling with my braces right now ^_^



My friend asked me for a favour and the favour was that she needed my insight on what her flaws were. Then she added “I am serious.” Mind you this text came a week after my breast reduction surgery, so the irony of the question was very funny to me at the time, but I could not possibly laugh or chuckle as I was in immense pain. I simply replied with “Pls hold, tomorrow I will reply.”


The time I had from her question to the time I spent in bed trying to find a comfortable position and thinking about the definition of “flaw” was filled with moments of asking myself what flaws I also have. I do not recall if I googled the definition, but I do recall thinking about her and what “flaws” I saw in her. I could have listed some things I thought were flaws that made people’s eyebrows rise when it came to her. But then I thought, she is a strong personality, an educated woman, a mother and a wife. All her accomplishments have taught and given her traits that others will not like out of their personal biases, but gets the job done and done well. She is not malicious, mean, rude or insensitive. So, what then are flaws?


Are flaws tales we tell ourselves to feel better? Or are they memos to guide us into what and where we should be in life,  according to our factors of age, sex, gender, relationship status, financial category or educational background? Maybe they are reminders from God to humble us in our fragile human journey. Better still, are they blessings which shine as a star for others to follow and a warning for some to eschew? Or could they be blankets we use to enshroud our fragile naked love?


To nomtondo flaws are a reminder to keep be-ing. They are there to check us without reservations. They are there to reduce our finger pointing to nothing while increasing our confidence to be unapologetic about our stories according to the truth of our experiences. Flaws are truths to be celebrated into evolution, not revolution.


After some half-baked thoughts, I sent my friend this:


Your flaws are your truth and the truth cannot be hidden. Just like pregnancy, the truth will always show no matter how hard you try to hide it. Thus, your flaws will always show. But flaws are not bad traits. They are part of our blueprint as humans. If we didn't have flaws we would be immortal, perfect, a goddess, a god or God Herself/Himself. My dear Hasnaa, when I see you I see your truth and not your flaws. I see your growth and not your setbacks. Your battle scars narrate your endeavours. Your word choices and tones tell stories of where you have been and come from. If anyone should hear, see you and tell you anything other than your intelligence, your beauty, your witty nature, then they are [rather] very much flawed. Your imperfections are from your perfect experiences, encounters and challenges - which were placed in your path to make you better and ready for the next step. So you see, nothing of you or us are flawed. Flaws are the perfect experiences of encounters which come together to fill in our imperfections. It's a win-win. I am not sure why you asked but this is my answer.


-love,

nomtondo



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