• nomtondo

Ever Wondered

Ever wondered what the wind says when it allows you to hear it?

Ever thought what the noise says when it grows quiet – even for half a second?

Ever wondered what wonder is thinking when you invite it to sit?

I do.

Sometimes I sit in my small room and wonder with wonder. We take turns reminiscing on the unpleasant times and indulge, like dipping a cookie in tea, about the great possibilities and “what ifs.” The latter is always short lived, and I do not know why. Tears take over, I think that is why we never finish indulging in the happy possibilities.

Ever wondered about your future you’ve seen in dreams, and wish so badly they will come to pass yet secretly hope they don’t?

Ever whispered to yourself how much you want a lover yet cringe at the reality of compromising for the sake of another – and at the expense, however small, of your comfort?

Ever wondered what it will be like if you gave up all you have for a year of solitude? Where you simply don’t worry, care or are anxious of anything nor anyone, except the very rhythm of nature?

I have.

Sometimes I beg to be folded between the wind so I am not found. I wish and plan to disappear, but the time is not right. Not yet. There is so much to do but not sure what to do or where to begin – or if it is worth it. That part is what I struggle with: is it worth it? And the other question: is this life? Is? This? It?

Ever wondered what it feels like to walk into a room and your skin speaks for you before you realize where you are?

Ever asked someone else what it feels like to be them? I bet you have wondered or tried to wonder. I know you have.

Ever wondered what the world can be if equality was truly honored? And everyone, I mean everyone, applauded you because you merit it, and not because you look like it?

I do.

Every.

Single.

Hour.

My wondering will cease – by force or by will. I hope it will be the latter. But if it’s not, I pray I at least get a notice, a delayed courtesy it may be; but still one I will appreciate in my final moments.





love,

nomtondo

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